Grieving properly means that we do not let hurts have permanent power over us.
We misunderstand the process of grief. We speak about grief as if it were an occasional thing that pops up in our lives. When it does, then we must deal with it. Like a death. Actually, grieving is far more important and far more constant.
We are always grieving, because we are always suffering losses. The losses are not always unwanted. We move to a new city and a new job. We love the change. We are happy. But we have still suffered a loss. We have left friends behind. Or perhaps there was a cherry tree in our old back yard, and we miss it. Losses come in all shapes and sizes. They are always with us.
When we lose, we tend to get mad, maybe a little mad, maybe real mad. Look around you. We see angry people all around us. We have rage everywhere. The real victims of this anger are the angry people themselves. They are the ones in turmoil. If we are the angry ones, then we are in turmoil. We have no peace.
We must become good at grieving. It is the only way we cut our losses. Grieving is the way we let go of hurts and losses and move on in peace. We cannot let a hurt of the past ruin our peace of mind in the present.
- Fr. James O'Leary